A Quantum of Boredom

Roger Moore’s My Word Is My Bond is published by Michael O’Mara Books. I don’t know where he found his ghost-writer, maybe it’s his accountant.

Roger Moore

Roger Moore’s My Word Is My Bond was published by Michael O’Mara Books. I don’t know where Moore found his ghost-writer, but maybe it was his accountant. The book would qualify as an accountant’s joke anytime.

Roger Moore is the first to admit to being an average actor. Maybe he hopes to be contradicted; indeed, I do contradict him as average is still praising him over his head, something his meagre talents haven’t earned him. He proved that point over and over when miming James Bond. The book shows his writing abilities to be on a par with his acting abilities; or maybe he just chose an illiterate ghost-writer for the task. The book reminds one of his acting through and through; it’s mealy mouthed and bland.

When celebrities bring out their biographies, it is customarily a pack of lies. These biographies fall in two categories, how I would have liked my life to have been (but it never was), and how I would like to be remembered (and please forget about all the scandals). This one is a rare specimen, as it falls into both categories. But whereas other celebrities showed a certain artfulness while unashamedly names dropping in their concoctions, this one proves just plain over-kill. While reading, I wondered if some of his dear friends even remember having ever met him.

Starting with his childhood in Stockwell in South London is not a topic that fascinates, nor is being a hypochondriac; Moliere did that so much better. Worse, the story is not even amusingly presented. But calling every person he cares to mention, i.e. drop their names, a ‘very good friend’ is sorely testing readers’ credulity. And accidentally omitting his two marriages and the reasons for their break up just shows the quality of the biography: Zero content.

This book started out life as a list of names of the rich and the famous of a bygone era that then were cobbled together willy-nilly into some sort of writing. The long litany of names dropped range from actors to singers, from presidents to royalty, and is only sparely interspersed with thin anecdotal comments, most of which is either spurious or plainly and obviously just invented. The final bomb shell may be found in the last chapter; it’s a boring list of all the countries he has ever been to. Boredom at that point really hits rock bottom. Publisher said the book needed a few more pages; let’s draw up another list without bothering to string them out in ever repeating sentences.

There is absolutely no reason why anybody would want to buy this book except to commit suicide by boredom. It’s bland like a glass of water, but with less taste. It is as boring as Roger Moore was playing James Bond. It puts you to sleep after every second passage and the ghost-writer must have died of boredom while inventing its meagre content. Even fans will be shocked by the complete emptiness that is Roger Moore.

I have accorded this book the title of Passenger Number One on the James Bond marketing train. If Roger Moore had never been inflicted on us as James Bond we would maybe have been spared this little horror.

Further reading
James Bond: Behind the Movies
Quantum of Solace: The Source
Warren Beatty Biography

Roger Federer's Interview on Swiss Television

A summary compiled on the interview given by Roger Federer on Swiss Television on October 19, 2008. Roger Federer comments on the season, on press, on marriage, on Stanislas Wawrinka, and his plans for the Davis Cup.

Roger Federer tennis

This is neither a transcript nor a direct translation from Roger Federer’s native language Alemannic (often referred to as Swiss German) to English as that would be too complicated to accomplish. It is rather a summary of what Roger Federer said in the interview given on October 19, 2008, on Swiss Television.

Roger Federer commented on the season 2008 so far: That the beginning of the current season had been very difficult for him, as he didn’t know at the time he played the Australian Open that he was actually seriously ill. He had only noticed a heaviness of mind and slowness on the court which he couldn’t really explain to himself. He stated that in general terms he had been quite satisfied with the season so far considering the circumstances. What was very stressful to the former number one tennis player was that he had to reshuffle his training sessions to get back to form after the illness. The combination of this reshuffling with more tournaments to play including the Olympics was taking its toll on him.

As opposed to the last three years, it meant he had to intersperse hard training sessions between the tournaments instead of having a few days off. This in turn caused him to arrive at tournaments not at the peak of his abilities, as opposed to the two previous years, when he usually was in perfect timing to get his best tennis onto the court at the tournaments.

He said he still had been far behind with his training in Paris when he lost Roland Garros to Rafael Nadal. Therefore it had not surprised him that he had lost that final nor actually the result of it. To win against Rafael Nadal one can’t play 90% and expect to win anything.

As to Wimbledon, it had been very hard on him to lose that title to Rafael Nadal, but on the other hand he himself had certainly played the best match of his life. He rather suspected that Rafael Nadal had done that, too. He declined to comment on the press hype about the best match ever played.

He also commented on the press coverage on himself during this year. He stated that he had been a bit hurt when after losing to Novak Djokovic at the Australian Open he had already been written off by the papers or at least into crisis. It had surprised him even more that they had been so negative after Wimbledon and that this was not quite in keeping with the hype about the match. He was especially negative about ‘certain commentators who had played no mean tennis themselves and talked like this was the end, when they should know better, having had their problems in their time as well’.

For him the Olympics Gold medal together with Stanislas Wawrinka had been for him a turning point in a season he had been satisfying but not a highlight. After that he knew that he was going to be back in form again for the American Open. The Olympics medal in tennis double had been very special for playing in team and had been psychologically very satisfying. It also boded well for the future concerning the Davis Cup. He wanted to have it clearly stated that he had not said that Switzerland would win the Davis Coup, but that he was considering a serious attempt in that direction if Stanislas Wawrinka was willing.

Queried on his being seen in a jewellers’ shop in Dubai, he laughed. Plans for marriage are not ripe. But it didn’t surprise him at all that he had been seen there as it was one of the best known addresses for Europeans to shop. Queried again on how it felt to be permanently in the public eye, he said that it was not too bad for them (meaning himself and his life partner former tennis player Mirka Vavrinec). In Switzerland in general the press is very respectful towards his private life. People in Switzerland are very reticent and do him the favour of ignoring him when meeting him on the road somewhere.

Commenting on the Swiss Indoors tournament commencing in Basel this week, he said he was definitely playing and willing to win. He also thinks that his fitness and preparation is sufficient to win it discounting any negative influence of having lost against Andy Murray. He said that he tournament in Basel was certainly the most difficult for him not to play it being his hometown. As an added plus he added that he enjoyed it immensely to be home again and to meet with family and friends while here.

One of his major joys, he said, was organising the Pizza dinner at the end of the tournament with the ball boys and girls, as he himself had first done that at the age of 13. He remembered being extremely nervous at that time to come so near to tennis greats like Boris Becker. His next highlight had been playing in the Qualifying round a few years later. As Wimbledon Junior Champion he had received a wild card the following year and received a lesson from André Agassi, but it was just great, he said.

He finally commented on the placement of Stanislas Wawrinka and that he was very happy for him. He hoped to meet him in the final of Basel, this being necessary for Stanislas Wawrinka to be able to take part in Shanghai’s Masters Tournament.

My text is neither complete nor word perfect. Any faults in understanding or translation are mine.

Further reading
Djokovic Plays Top to Nadal Bottom
Bernard Tomic in Roger Federer Jubilee Match
Tennis With Gay Appeal in London

Barbara Cartland Lives

Just in time for Halloween, BBC4 rings on a drama based on Dame Barbara Cartland’s life. TV reality more ghoulish than any Halloween haunt.

Dame Barbara Cartland

Anne Reid is starring in the TV drama ‘In Love With Barbara’ about the life of Dame Barbara Cartland. Some critics say she looks so much like the pink writer it’s like a revenant. It is to be hoped that Anne Reid will forgive them; she looks much better now than Dame Barbara did at any time during her life.

The film plays in the seventies at the high point of her writing career or rather her commercial success. In flashbacks, it pilfers through her life showing the high and low points. Starting in the twenties as a writer novice she became part of the London beau monde of the twenties and thirties. It covers her divorce, a scandal in itself at that time especially when spiced with the accusation of adultery, which was a cross petition actually. It goes through the later marriage to the man she had been accused of committing adultery with, incidentally the cousin of her divorced husband.

She vehemently denied impropriety, and was believed at court. But her later marriage stretched credulity of society to breaking point, especially the society she wanted to belong to. Of her first marriage she had a daughter, Raine, who later became Lady Spencer, stepmother to Princess Diana. Her nickname ‘Acid Raine’ says all about her. The drama also brushes on Barbara’s friendship with Lord Mountbatten.

Barbara Cartland has published 723 books during her lifetime, 722 times with a swooning heroine and a dark prince as main parts in stories all strangely the same. One book falls out of this category completely; her Etiquette Handbook (reviewed here) which strangely does not deal with the proper proceedings in divorce. Her life certainly was much more interesting than any of her books.

The film might have become more serious and daring if Ian, Barbara’s son, had not been attending every detail of it to insure that no detrimental facts were included. At his time, Ian is still editing and publishing a further 160 manuscripts of his mother left after her death in 2000. One dares to ask if he has nothing more serious to do with his life.

Barbara Cartland’s greatest claim on fame has been the fact that through the marriage of her daughter Raine she became the step-grandmother of Princess Diana. In keeping with her rather overweening self-esteem and the skewered conception of her own importance and achievements, I doubt very much that she would have been satisfied with this film.

But as a preparation for Halloween, the film and its heroine are certainly grizzly enough. In fact, a fourth rate TV channel brings a third rate film about a second rate writer. Let’s hope that it will be a first rate Halloween after this ghoulish revenant in pink.

Further reading
Splendour & Squalor
Being Politically Incorrect
The Art of Legal Fraud

Blair Affair, the Lies Continue

Tony Blair has managed to degrade all values dear to Parliament. His conduct towards the Commons was utterly cynical and his behaviour over Abu Ghraib lack in all decency or morality.

Tony Blair

Let’s give the first word to Tony Blair: ‘It is of paramount importance that ministers give accurate and truthful information to Parliament, correcting any inadvertent error at the earliest opportunity.’ So stated in the ministerial code of July 2001 drawn up by the same Tony Blair at that time PM (for Prime Minister) of the United Kingdom.

While Tony Blair was PM, the Government put a ban on all tobacco advertising. All tobacco advertising, except that of a very rich man. We talk of Bernie Ecclestone, the man who makes millions each year from Formula 1 motor sports. The PM declared to Parliament that the exclusion of Formula 1 sports events from the ban had been done through normal Whitehall processes. In reality, the decision was taken by Blair himself only hours after meeting Ecclestone in Downing Street.

In May 2004, leaked documents and shocking photographic evidence exposed the nauseating practices of maltreatment commonly used by U.S. personnel on Iraqi prisoners. Abu Ghraib has become a name of shame, and nobody will ever trust a United States Government again after that. These atrocities have put a further fatal taint on all US troops after the Vietnam War and many more crimes against civilians and prisoners.

After the international outcry over this barbarism, Tony Blair played the dumb coxcomb he is and pretended not to know anything. ‘It is not correct that ministers or I were aware of those allegations in respect of American troops.’ This statement was never corrected.

Now, Bill Rammel, who was a Junior Foreign Office minister at that time, has issued a statement to the effect that he had been briefed by the President of the International Committee of the Red Cross during a meeting in Geneva taking place seven weeks before the PM made the above statement to the Commons. He further stated that he convened an emergency meeting of Foreign Office officials immediately and was assured there that defence ministers were aware of the fact and had taken steps.

This goes to show, Tony Blair is not only a war criminal, but also a liar. He has actively demoted the post of Prime Minister to that of menial helper of a war crazed chimpanzee. This makes the eulogy by Adam Boulton even more sickening than it already is. Read my review on ‘Memoirs of the Blair Administration’ here.

As every politician is hankering after the post of PM (for Prime Minister) all his life, all his life is spent in training to be PM (for Principally Mendacious).

Further reading
The Catholic Invasion
Prime Minister for Dinner
The Secret War

Six Notable Women

Royal Mail has issued the portraits of six women of distinction (?) as a new stamp series. The inclusion of a Nazi has provoked heavy criticism. The other five faces on these stamps are also controversial.

Royal Mail stamp collection

Six notable women have been honoured these days by the Royal Mail and appear on a series of stamps showing their portraits. They all have two things in common, apart from being women, they have achieved something outstanding, and none of them has received a peerage.

The 48p stamp shows Elizabeth Garrett Anderson (1836-1917). Like her younger sister Millicent Garrett Fawcett, she was determined to surmount gender barriers and decided to become a doctor. At that time, medicine was still an all male preserve, and she was turned down by all medical schools she applied to. She therefore studied privately and became the first woman to gain a medical qualification in Britain. She began working with poor women at what later became London’s New Hospital for women, where she installed the London School of Medicine for Women.

The 50p stamp shows Marie Stopes (1880-1958). She opened the first family planning clinic in London in 1921, and wrote Britain’s first sex manual. She is better remembered as a racist Nazi bigot, who’s view on eugenics not only coincided with the views held in Nazi Germany, but made her a passionate admirer of Hitler sending him a love letter and a book of poems. She campaigned to have the poor, the sick and people of mixed race sterilized. The inclusion of such a person who was an advocate for Nazi eugenics (selective breeding) and a racist to boot is quite incomprehensible.

The 56p stamp shows Eleanor Rathbone (1872-1946). She was one of the first women to win a seat in the Commons. She was the chief campaigner behind the Family Allowances Act in 1945 and crucial to its passing into law. She warned early against Hitler and was militantly anti-Nazi. Somehow the perfect fit with the 50p stamp. 

The 72p stamp shows Claudia Jones (1915-1964). Born in Trinidad, she moved with her parents to New York at the age of eight, where they lived in poverty in Harlem. As a Communist and an activist for civil rights, she was one of many political prisoners in the United States and was deported in 1955. Receiving asylum in Britain and after the race riots of 1958, she helped set up Notting Hill Carnival which showcases Afro-Caribbean talent and culture.

The 81p stamp shows Barbara Castle (1910-2002). Secretary in the Wilson government, she was one of the main supporters of the Equal Pay Act of 1970 which prohibits less favourable pay and conditions for women. Her plan to break the power of the unions on the other hand was a mitigated disaster.

The 1£ stamp shows Millicent Garrett Fawcett (1847-1929). As President of the National Union of Women’s Suffrage Society she was a tireless worker for the right for women to vote. Unlike Emmeline Pankhurst who advocated violent confrontation, Millicent Garrett Fawcett preferred a conciliatory approach. It was due to her that women were granted vote in 1918.

Where five of these women might be controversial choices, the Royal Mail has been roundly and universally condemned for the inclusion of the Nazi supporter Marie Stopes. If you are a stamp collector, you should get these stamps early, because with this entire fracas going on it is even possible that the stamp or the series will be put out of circulation.

Further reading
The Invention of George Eliot
The Transvestite Surgeon
Duchess of Death