Pity the Middleton Family

Many might think that having a Royal Duchess as a daughter must be like a dream come true. The reality is far from that. That being related to a member of the Royal Family resembles more to a nightmare is mainly due to the press and the media.

Carole Middleton, family matriarch

Hockey mums play for it; tiger mums go on the prowl for it: Marrying their daughter off to a Royal Duke is the ultimate accolade of achievement. But it happened to Carol Middleton’s daughter Kate instead. She is neither a hockey mum nor a tiger mum. If she were one, she would have failed, because these obstreperous mums lack the main characteristic that is needed: Reticence.

Love happens even in high places, and who can say that is a bad thing? But the time of organised intermarriage between the ruling houses is over since the Great War; the future in-laws of a Royal Prince are now as predictable as the lottery. Not that these in-laws had always been above reproach. In that sense, Prince William was actually extremely lucky not only with Kate Middleton’s parents Carol and Michael, but also with her sister Pippa and her brother James.

But that is where the fairy tale ends, or so it seems. The press is constantly carping about the Middletons cashing in on their Royal connection. They haven’t reason to do so and what meagre evidence they present is apocryphal. What they are doing is called journalism by envy and by jealousy. It is time they got a grip on reality and attacked those that really are cashing in.

Carol and Michael Middleton have been received at Buckingham Palace on more than one private occasion; they have been invited to Ascot by the Queen and arrived officially with the Royal cavalcade. The Queen can’t say what she thinks, that is not part of her job. But it is little things like these that indicate her approval of the Middleton family and their behaviour. And it drives embittered little journalists up the walls and makes them out of reason cross.

To Buckingham Palace insiders, Carol Middleton has become The Steel Marshmallow Mark II; Mark I was the Queen Mother. Photographer had once described her as a marshmallow made in a welding machine; he probably was right. Carol has even adopted one of the Queen Mother’s dictums: Never complain, never explain. If she doesn’t say it, she is very good at following it to the letter. It has served her well, obviously.

So they are cashing in on their Royal connection? Where, please? They ran a business in the past and they keep on running it. So far, I have seen no offer from any journalist to pay them for doing nothing and in turn taking on their 30 employees; have you? Their business Party Pieces is not only a good business; in its niche, it is market leader in the United Kingdom. It was that before Kate Middleton became Catherine Duchess of Cambridge. They sell tat, so what? If you sell tat, one of the obvious subjects of this tat is the Royal Family. The press will just have to learn to live with that. That the family has to pay for their own security on the other hand seems to be perfectly alright with these selfsame journalists. Maybe they should be made to pay for the policemen that are on the beat in their neighbourhood.

Pippa Middleton was accused of the same thing when she appeared at Wimbledon and at Roland Garros before that. When she was presented with a gift by the president of Peugeot while in Paris, she was accused of cashing in on her Royal connection. What should she have done? Slap the old man in his face? Envy, jealousy, call it what you want, but such journalists are not worth the name. That Pippa was stopped by the government from travelling to the continent on at least one occasion because of another terrorist panic attack in Whitehall, nobody mentioned. But it’s not much fun, being the sister of a Duchess.

Justin Bieber‘s marketing and Party Pieces have recently concluded a deal for merchandising his tat. It was immediately alleged that this deal was only done because of their Royal connections. No honeys, it was done because they are the market leader. No one, as far as I can tell, has yet accused Justin Bieber of cashing in on the Middletons connections. Funny world, isn’t it?

At least the Queen and Prince Charles appreciate their reticence and circumspection. The family is supported by Royal staff from both sources whenever issues arise. The holistic approach in presenting this normal family alongside the Royal Family seems so far to pay off. But all in all, you really don’t wish the situation they are in on your worst enemy.

Further reading
New Dream Team: Pippa Middleton and Justin Bieber
William and Kate: Title History
How Royal Succession Works in the United Kingdom

New Dream Team: Pippa Middleton and Justin Bieber

This must be the new dream team: The Bieb and The Bum have joined forces to conquer the universe. In a right Royal salute, the Middletons and the Biebers have hooked up their common interests to gain supremacy over the World Wide Web’s tat market.

Justin Bieber undressing trial

To make it clear, The Bieb and The Bum have not been photographed together (yet), but their announcement was as momentous as any Royal betrothal. The Middleton business Party Pieces has been licensed to sell Bieber memorabilia through their homepage. The reaction of the envy crowd was predictable: Pippa is cashing in on her Royal connection. What losers! I mean the envy crowd, not the Middletons or the Biebers.

The advantage of the announced deal are obvious; there will be no official divorce or other news gimmicks in this joining of two internet star names, only cash. The Bieb can be sure to be selling on a web site that will be constantly in the news for decades to come, thanks to the busy bodies who will continue accusing the Middletons of cashing in. For the Middleton business it closes a gap. They had tat on Wills and Kate for mum, Super Mario for dad, Toy Story 3 for the boys, now they have the Bieb for the girls.

And they should live happily ever after, as in any fairytale, if it weren’t for the permanently envious losers who accuse just about anybody successful enough to cashing in on something or another. I for one hope that they might drown one of these days in their own bile while cheering on the Middletons to every penny they may garner through Party Pieces. If you live in the United Kingdom, you should be doing the same.

As opposed to most of the cheating high street brands, Carole and Michael Middleton pay their taxes in the UK and not in Switzerland (like Boots) or in Monaco (like Tesco). Every penny they earn therefore goes partly to pay taxes, and in case you should have forgotten or belong to the millions too lazy to ever work, taxes paid by many means lower taxes and more money for everybody. Just keep that in mind next time you want to snicker about doors-to-manual.

Real tax payers like Carole and Michael Middleton are the true aristocracy of this country, because they pay their taxes here (and most of the ‘old’ aristocracy do that, too, much to their credit). Its cheaters like Zac Goldsmith who are the runts of the pack, buying their way into the Commons and cheating on the taxes by so called ‘legal’ means. I definitely prefer someone ‘cashing in’ on their Royal connection than cashing in on my taxes.

While The Bieb was estimated of being worth 100 million pounds ($ 160 million), Party Pieces was estimated at a mere 30 million pounds ($ 50 million). The crux of the latter estimate is that it was made after the betrothal announcement of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge but before the Wedding. After Pippa’s bum went viral on that occasion, its worth might now be much nearer to The Bieb.

Further reading
Justin Bieber: 19th Birthday in London
William and Kate: Title History
How Royal Succession Works in the United Kingdom