Why James Bond is Eternal

The Man With The Golden Touch: How The Bond Films Conquered The World by Sinclair McKay was published by Aurum. Just one more writer jumping on the marketing train of Quantum of Solace? Not quite.

Sean Connery

Every other year or so, a James Bond movie comes to the cinemas around the world. We are all used to it and either adore it or ignore it. Like a meteorite, these movies are tailed by a trail of book publications, most of which are not worth the paper they are printed on. But they ride like passengers on the fame of the movies.

In his book, McKay tells the story behind the Bond movies. It is not a new story, others have done it before. It tells the story of the producers, Broccoli and Saltzmann, two creative genies with the talent to find the right people for the job. Out of it, he makes a good case for the claim that without the movies Ian Fleming would be forgotten and his books out of print. Due to the movies, his books are still found in book shops everywhere.

McKay gives us the full treat, taking us through every movie produced up to the present. It is obvious that he knows them well, and the facts are well researched. Having said this, I have to admit that I tend to disagree with him on most statements all the same. But that is a matter of opinion, not science. He is right, though, to attribute the timelessness of the movies to two sound producers. Broccoli and Saltzmann had the knack of concentrating on what mattered while ignoring the fads of time. Where most movies become hopelessly outdated after a few years, Bond movies just have aged respectfully.

I also agree with him that Thunderball was the most boring Bond movie ever. But how he could be kind to ‘poor’ Lazenby beats me. Despite being nice, McKay alleges Lazenby with selling minty chocolates before becoming an actor. And I for one violently disapproved of Roger Moore who should have played light comedy instead. McKay on the other hand is highly appreciative of Moore, though he sees that the errors in taste in these movies were many. His list of atrocities committed is quite impressive, actually.

Besides the producers and the actors, he pays tribute to the three men who set the style for Bond movies to this day, Adam, Barry, and Binder. I tend to think that the mixture of all these talents including Connery made the first movies so highly memorable. In a way, Quantum of Solace is still carried by these movies despite the many years that have gone by.

The book makes a good read, maybe because there is nothing really new in it. McKay has done his homework on details, obviously, and writes a droll style. It’s well worth a rainy afternoon. If it’s worth its selling price of £18.99 I must leave up to you. I would rather wait for it in the library on a day I have nothing better to do.

Further reading
Quantum of Solace: The Source
Roger Moore Biography
Turkey Apprehends Israeli Spy

A Quantum of Boredom

Roger Moore’s My Word Is My Bond is published by Michael O’Mara Books. I don’t know where he found his ghost-writer, maybe it’s his accountant.

Roger Moore

Roger Moore’s My Word Is My Bond was published by Michael O’Mara Books. I don’t know where Moore found his ghost-writer, but maybe it was his accountant. The book would qualify as an accountant’s joke anytime.

Roger Moore is the first to admit to being an average actor. Maybe he hopes to be contradicted; indeed, I do contradict him as average is still praising him over his head, something his meagre talents haven’t earned him. He proved that point over and over when miming James Bond. The book shows his writing abilities to be on a par with his acting abilities; or maybe he just chose an illiterate ghost-writer for the task. The book reminds one of his acting through and through; it’s mealy mouthed and bland.

When celebrities bring out their biographies, it is customarily a pack of lies. These biographies fall in two categories, how I would have liked my life to have been (but it never was), and how I would like to be remembered (and please forget about all the scandals). This one is a rare specimen, as it falls into both categories. But whereas other celebrities showed a certain artfulness while unashamedly names dropping in their concoctions, this one proves just plain over-kill. While reading, I wondered if some of his dear friends even remember having ever met him.

Starting with his childhood in Stockwell in South London is not a topic that fascinates, nor is being a hypochondriac; Moliere did that so much better. Worse, the story is not even amusingly presented. But calling every person he cares to mention, i.e. drop their names, a ‘very good friend’ is sorely testing readers’ credulity. And accidentally omitting his two marriages and the reasons for their break up just shows the quality of the biography: Zero content.

This book started out life as a list of names of the rich and the famous of a bygone era that then were cobbled together willy-nilly into some sort of writing. The long litany of names dropped range from actors to singers, from presidents to royalty, and is only sparely interspersed with thin anecdotal comments, most of which is either spurious or plainly and obviously just invented. The final bomb shell may be found in the last chapter; it’s a boring list of all the countries he has ever been to. Boredom at that point really hits rock bottom. Publisher said the book needed a few more pages; let’s draw up another list without bothering to string them out in ever repeating sentences.

There is absolutely no reason why anybody would want to buy this book except to commit suicide by boredom. It’s bland like a glass of water, but with less taste. It is as boring as Roger Moore was playing James Bond. It puts you to sleep after every second passage and the ghost-writer must have died of boredom while inventing its meagre content. Even fans will be shocked by the complete emptiness that is Roger Moore.

I have accorded this book the title of Passenger Number One on the James Bond marketing train. If Roger Moore had never been inflicted on us as James Bond we would maybe have been spared this little horror.

Further reading
James Bond: Behind the Movies
Quantum of Solace: The Source
Warren Beatty Biography